I've been on this weight loss and work out routine since August and I've had success. I'm happy that I've lost more than 20 lbs and I feel a lot better about so many things....until last week. Wow. I fell on my face and cracked open like a fresh egg. So, this morning I put on my grown up pants and decided to pony up and get back on the horse.
I found myself feeling exhausted and lazy last week. Unmotivated and dreading the coming weeks of fighting holiday food temptation. So instead I just went with the feeling I suppose. It wasn't a good idea because every single day I beat myself up for not going to the gym or not consuming enough water. Last night as I was making my way to the bed, I had a meeting with myself and had to force positive thinking back into my breath. I've come this far, time to charge through the holidays with a chin held high. And then that thinking led to pondering everything that is supposed to happen vs. what really happens at this time of the year.
Americans have a lot of stress placed in their lives from November 1 until the end of the year. A major consumerist society, pressure is placed on us to have the perfect spread, the most gifts, and the Norman Rockwell idea of a snowy Christmas with a golden turkey and home made apple pie. Everything on television is gearing toward winning our hard earned dollars and this commercialization of the season feeds our frenzy for perfection. When the reality is, we simply aren't capable of achieving the perfection being advertised and sold.
While I don't have the desire to participate in Black Friday sales and risking my life for an additional 50% off already discounted items, I do desire a cozy, warm, love filled season when I get a chance to see everyone I love. And, as reality would have it, it's simply not possible. Instead of it being magical and joyful, I tend to feel lonely and disappointed. And I really want to change that. I want to start my own traditions and reclaim the season as my own. I'm tired of feeling like I'm missing something if I can't make it home for Christmas. Of course we want to be with loved ones, but I have loved ones here. I have a family I've created. I just wish it were easier to balance it all instead of deal with how stressful as it has become.
All of these thoughts led me to believe that the holidays have exploded into a meaningless simulacra that is impossible to attain in reality. So, we feed those feels, gain weight, and start a new year fatter and more depressed. NOPE! Not today! I've got to get my focus back and not get my head wrapped up in disappointment. I will survive another Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve with grace, dignity, and a few less pounds. My new holiday tradition: modesty.
Oh and Happy Holidays!