Until recently I had spent many days beating myself up for not losing 30 pounds. I shed some weight but not the amount I wanted before summer ended. I was going to the gym faithfully until I got busy with the end of a season at work, helping people pack, moving my own stuff to a new home, and saying goodbye to loads of friends. In the middle of it all I stopped working out regularly and then realized I wasn't going to make my goal.
Last Sunday I was having dinner with a very attractive male friend of mine when we started discussing the working out. In the middle of my sentence I said "I'm a chubby girl...I may always be..." and then thought OMG did I just say that out loud to him?? As if he couldn't tell by looking at me that I'm not a tiny twig of a woman. My friend chuckled at my comment and the conversation moved on. He didn't stop to insert comments such as "But you're pretty" or "You have nice eyes and a beautiful smile". And I was grateful for this. I don't need validation and it's obvious I could drop a few. But this is where I am. I'm not by any means headed for a scooter (by that I mean a Hoveround not a Vespa) and I'm also not stroking out in extreme heat. I'm just chubby for the love of god!
When I got home I pulled myself together and said, out loud in the mirror, "Carrie. You are what you are. Get over it" Deep breath....in and out. Okay..okay, okay, okay! This is me right here and right now. I'm headed to Italy in just over a week and I'm not going to beat myself up any longer for not looking they way I want. Life is too short and time can't be wasted trapped in the "what if" zone. Finally I've started accounting for the things I like about myself in personality and in my appearance. I really hate when people say they don't care what they look like. It's just not true. But to fixate on what you don't like about your physical appearance is damaging to the soul and can steal your joy faster than almost anything else. So, I'm simply not allowing that to happen.
My sister and I have extreme features. She has large hips and I have large boobs. We also have large eyes and noses. Finally, we both have big mouths and loud opinions. But that's just us. Big butts, boobs, eyes, and hearts. Ya, I said hearts. And I accept it. We're not the Kardashian's - no, no we're too smart for that. But we aren't eating Gilbert Grape either. I'm just fucking chubby! And one hell of a good time.