I'm having a hard time dealing with trust and instinct. For some reason lately I've found myself more suspicious of people than my typical paranoid knee jerk reaction. I can't help but question their intentions and what they want from me. Now this is coming mainly from acquaintances and friends of friends. People on the fringe. I'm a giver. It's kind of my thing. If someone is in need I usually find a way to help and see what I can do to make tensions ease in whatever they may be dealing with be it a ride to a destination or, hell I don't know, work on a wall the needs painting. I don't require repayment or some grandiose gesture of thankfulness. However, I despise being used and taken advantage of and when someone only speaks to me when they need something, that's when the claws come out.
I hate feeling like everyone is out to get me. It's exhausting. But more times than not, I've found my suspicions justified because I'm the one that's standing there looking like an idiot because I did something nice for someone I thought respected me. Nope! They just needed to use me. Neato.
I'm typically very skilled at sensing a person who is a user. You can see i in their eyes and the way they carry their body. They also use language to "butter you up" and make you feel special. Well, you can't bullshit and bullshitter. And friend, I know bullshit. I have two degrees in Theatre so you can say I am very skilled in bullshit. But still I feel like a jerk and allow someone to walk all over me because they bat the eyes, act as though they are the victim, and tell me nobody else could do what I do for them. God damn it I fell for that shit again! So, how am I going to remedy the situation? I'm considering a questionnaire. It will look a little something like this:
3. Reason for seeking me out today?
4. Are you prone to asking others to do something for you when you are 100% capable of doing it yourself?
5. What exactly are your intentions in asking for anything from me since I've never spoken to you before today other than to say hello?
6. Are you broke?
7. Are you dying from an incurable disease?
8. Did your mother tell you she loved you more than once a year?
9. What is your birth order?
10. Have you ever been in a serious realtionship?
11. If the answer to 10. was yes, what happened?
12. Do you know how to correctly spell my first name? (at least)
13. Do you have any questions for me other than your stated request?
14. I didn't think so.
What's the deal? Well, the moon is in Gemini. I guess we could blame that. Two faced mother fuckers are crawling everywhere. Be warned.
I gotta bounce....