Natasha

Today is a beautiful day that has followed a great night.  It was First Friday in Tulsa and all of the museums were open, live music was playing, and people were crawling everywhere.  I couldn't believe it was Tulsa.  I had a hard time wrapping my head around the growth that has happened in this Dust Bowl city.  It was pretty great actually.  And the First Friday brought out a lot of people I haven't seen in a while.  It was lovely to see friends - smiling, laughing, happy friends.

The museum I now work for is dedicated to music and its impact on society.  I love it here.  Each day I find a reason to be inspired and I see  faces of people who are also finding inspiration.  And there is no shortage of live music.  We have a theater in the museum and there is a concert stage right outside in the park.  Each day you'll see people sitting out there playing, meeting other musicians, talking about their passion and and enjoying the company of other passionate people.  It's truly a beautiful time to be in the heart of a growing arts district.  And Tulsa has always appreciated and supported its local muscians.

I've always been someone who relates to music with or without lyrics.  I guess my number one hobby is listening to music and analyzing the style, mood, phrasing, and lyrics if it has vocals.   Yesterday while a duo was casually working on a song from their new album, I popped in to watch and some lyrics caught my attention: "Don't let it break you, I hate this for you".  The song was quiet and beautiful and the singer's voice was soft and very delicate.  Appropriate for delivering the simple yet honest words in the song.  I wondered why she had written this song and who it was about.  Honestly, none of the other lyrics stood out to me, but that line just really struck my heart.  Who is she singing about?

I love folk music.  When I got home I started listening to one of my favorite contemporary singers, Rufus Wainwright.  He has an interesting perspective on the world and his songs don't always make sense, but the do....somehow.  I love his writing style and he makes no apologies for writing from life.  His song "Natasha" seems obscure at first listen.  The lyrics don't seem to make perfect sense and that's what I loved about it.  When I first heard it I had to get to the bottom of it and I researched hundreds of wiki articles, Youtube videos, etc.  Finally on his own website I found an article where Rufus himself explained the meaning of the sweet, yet confusing song.  It turns out he wrote it for his friend and actress Natasha Lyonne.  Apparently the girl has a serious addiction to harsh drugs and was found living in her apartment in terrible conditions.  She was very ill with a heart and lung infection and was also tested positive for Hepatitis C.  Knowing all of this and listening again, I found that it started to make sense.  While the lyrics are scattered, seeing someone in that condition makes no sense.  So, he just wrote from his heart, seemingly unedited.  How beautiful. 

I've listened to this song today a few times.  How tragic, how brave.  However I don't know how I feel about being so transparent.  It's....scary!


You walk alone in the valley of life
In the shadow of love under the trees of happiness

You walk alone like a baby unborn
Like a father unknown
Like a pocket penniless

I'm happy that you really care
But do you really know
How scary
This is for you and is for me?
Oh do you you really know?
Do you really know? oh..

Natasha
All I can do
Is write a song for you
Natasha
Oh Natasha

For you I sit alone on the cozy ground floor
On a bench by the garden
Waiting also
Waiting for love and thinking of all of the
Catty remarks I also swallow

And as I've often asked before
Does anybody know
How scary
This is for you and is for me?
Does anybody know?
Anybody know? oh...

Natasha
All I can do
Is write a song for you
Natasha
Oh Natasha
All I can do
Is write a song for you
Natasha