Tuesday, January 8, 2013

I'm Just Being Nice, Dammit!!! EDIT

So, have you ever been in a situation where you're trying to be nice and it backfires in your face?  Big time?  It's so frustrating because you feel like you need to over explain yourself which only sinks you further down the hole, leaving you feeling like a grade A idiot.  This happened to me recently and it was, in my opinion, one of the scenarios I dread the most.

My friend Tuller and I went out for sushi on Friday.  We were seated at the bar by two men, probably in their mid to late 30's.  I'm a pretty friendly person and I'll talk to just about anyone so instinctively I said hello to both of them.  However, my friendliness was met with ...the look.  You know, that look that says "No thanks, honey".  Umm.  I was just being nice, jerk.  The two guys were involved in some deep conversation and I just brushed it off.  Whatever, right?  Tuller and I ordered and were having fun talking about shallow things like foreign trade agreements and human trafficking.  At some point I laid my phone on the bar and when I went to reach for it, something felt odd.  I realized I was reaching for one of the guys' phones and I said "Oops, I almost grabbed yours" to which he replied "You wouldn't have unlocked it.  It's not a tick-tack-toe", followed by the look again.

What's your problem, asshole?

I tried being nice and laughing it off, but I fear it made me look flirty and I didn't want to come off as the least bit interested.  I'm nice.  I'm really nice and we're kind of seated in close proximity so occasion, crossover happens.  I mean, I'm only being a decent person and smiling and when my elbow bumps into yous, I say "excuse me" or "sorry about that" and I make eye contact.  But it doesn't mean I want anything else from you, ok?

Tuller and I went on about our conversation and I noticed the guy kept giving me these...looks.  Again with the "I'm not interested in you, honey" looks.  You know? I started to get very irritated and I so badly wanted to stand up and shout at him.  But that would have made me look like a lunatic.  Throughout the entire dinner he and his friend were talking and looking over at us and I wanted to ask "what's the problem?" but I just continued on with my conversation with Tuller.  Finally the two men left and I couldn't have been more relieved.  He was just really irritating me.  Tuller knew exactly why this got under my skin, but let me shed some light on the situation.  This guy, whom I've never met before and was only extending common courtesy to, was in violation of 3 serious man rules!  And he had the nerve to think I was interested?  Ugh!

1. He was clearly nearing 40, yet he wore sagging butt jeans as if he were a 17 year rapper wannabe
2. It's January and that tan makes you look like a Cheeto.
3. And most importantly - waxed eyebrows!  And I'm not talking about some plucking.  These brows were a choice in a line of 50, named after famous Hollywood actresses and he chose the "Eva Longoria"

Once again my attempt to just be nice was mistaken for flirting and this guy, who looked like a middle aged mob wife, felt it was necessary to let me know he wasn't interested.  Gross.  Later Tuller and I met up with another friend at a tavern.  As we were about to leave Tuller grabbed me, pointed, and said "Carrie, look!  It's that Jersey Shore Lady Man!"  I tried sending him powerful glares that would shoot straight through his backwards cap and into his skull.  Take THAT Eva!  But, alas, the idiot was never phased by my long distance lazer stare.

Tuller and I laughed about it and I guess I'm over it.  But really, I just couldn't stand that fact that he felt like he "won". That somehow he felt better for being an asshole to me.  C'mon, man! You are so gross and I was just being nice.

Oh well.  The only thing I did win with this one was not getting arrested for assault.


Last night while I was in the middle of my crossfit class at the gym, I look up as my legs are spread wide open, and guess who!  YES!  Creepy/Asshole/Eyebrow guy!  He goes to my gym!  Why does the universe play such cruel jokes on me?  When our eyes met, I'm sure I looked like a deer in the headlights.  I proceeded to catch my breath and then I just played it off as if I had never seen him before.  But, in full florescent light, sans ridiculous backwards cap, he looks even more like a middle aged woman.  He looks like if John Travolta as a woman trying not to look like a man.  Whatever - it's my gym, too.  And he still looks stupid.  And while he was looking around the room for hot chicks, I'm sure they all felt a little weird being eye raped by guy who looks like an Avon salesperson.  Nasty.

Good Lord.

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